Friday 5th of September 2003
Well, well… Summer is nearly over, although it’s a nice day. You can tell Autumn is on the way. Leaves have started to fall, even though it’s not even cold. Today there was fog in the morning for the first time. And we still haven’t moved. I put the offer on the flat on the 16th of May… And we still haven’t moved. Everyone here in the office who bought houses has moved. J will probably move by the end of the month. And we still haven’t moved. All because the vendor is waiting for information from the Leaseholder: Islington Council. You see, I didn’t mind staying at the house in the summer, but once it starts getting cold, I really don’t want to spend another Winter in there. I really don’t. Don’t even know what else to do. I have written to my MP but everything is still. The solicitors can’t do much more than they already have. I feel powerless. Everything I try to do doesn’t make any difference. Might go to the Town Hall and just camp in there or something!!! Guess I’ll spend the rest of today (yes, I should be working, but it is Friday) trying to find out what I can do to speed things up.
You start school again on Monday, and will stop going to Marlene’s from then. She will now only have you at ½ term and holidays. From now on you’ll stay at the school till 6. I really hope you like it, if you don’t then we’ll do something else, ok? Don’t you worry about that.
Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I stopped smoking. 4 weeks! Since the age of 14, when I first started, this is the longest ever I’ve gone without. It’s a bit of a miracle, and cause for celebration. I’ve given a copy of Allen Carr’s book to Linda, hopefully she’ll read it. The other copy I’m lending to Aurelia, as she really wants to stop too. I can now sit at my desk for hours and not even think about getting up. I can concentrate better than before and not feel fidgety all the time. I thought I was maybe hyperactive or something (given the way I was when I smoked) but I guess I’m not! It was all nicotine craving… That made me hyper and stressed. I can even handle stress better, as I just don’t get that stressed anymore. Having said that it wasn’t easy, and until I’ve completed 3 months I wouldn’t say I was completely free of nicotine in my system (never will be, actually, passive smoking brings nicotine in too).
There were a couple of occasions in the last 4 weeks when I really thought I was losing it. On one of them I lost it with you nana Cesca, and ended up pushing her out of the way. On another I actually slapped you because you switched the stereo off while I was recording something… I was always scared of giving up smoking because of these types of mad reactions. But lately they haven’t happened… I’ve stopped imagining I’m killing someone (which I thought about a lot for the first couple of weeks). I can see why it’s so scary giving up, it’s really disorienting and your mind plays tricks on you to try to get more nicotine in your system. But once you get over that… Then everything is fine, and you’re back to normal, only without the addiction, more relaxed and confident. So, if you ever start smoking, read this… It’s not impossible to give up. Of course, better if you never start! Hopefully by the time you grow up it’ll be so out of fashion you won’t do it at all. But in case you do, read this. You can give up. It’s hard, but it’ll pass and you’ll feel wonderful, and better about yourself in the long run.
Some of the physical things that were happening to me which made me want give up were: Bad breath, gum disease (dentist told me to give up years ago as it was giving me gum disease and my teeth were going to fall), my stomach was messed up, intermittent diarrhoea for no reason (no food poisoning or anything) and that was really scary, tingling limbs, specially waking up and finding a whole leg was numb or a whole arm… Very dry, itchy skin, specially my scalp and lower legs (not sure if that will improve, need to wait and see). I knew this was caused by smoking because when I was barely smoking during pregnancy I felt better, and then once I started smoking lots again I could feel the deterioration creeping up. The shortness of breath was scaring me too, it was getting worse. Reading for you was getting tiring. Walking up the stairs was tiring… I was pretty much tired a lot of the time, yet nervous. I was getting the need to smoke more and more, which is a sign that smoking is getting out of control and probably killing you.
I now spend a little bit of my time, every now and then, trying to help people give up. I gave a copy of the book that helped (Easyway to Stop Smoking, Allen Carr) to Linda – although she hasn’t read it yet. I lent it to your Dad, but he never read it either. I can only try, hey? I also mailed the author of the book and suggested he create an internet forum for people to go to, as it’s really useful to talk about the experience.
So, there. Think I’ll be proud of stopping smoking forever. And that’s great! And I’ll always think about, and that’s ok too. As long as I think how good it is that I don’t smoke anymore!
Ok, your latest gem:
You: Mum, do you know who I love best?
Me: ME!
You: No…
Me: No! Who then, your dad?
You: No…
Me: Your Nana Linda?
You: No…
Me: Nana Chesca?
You: No… My 3 wives!!!!
Me: Eh? What 3 wives, Daniel? You had 2 before (Zoe and Daisy). Who’s the 3rd?
You: Emma.
Me: 3 wives is very expensive, not to mention against the law. You have to become a Muslim for that and you need to be rich.
You: (Looking a bit lost and puzzled) I’ve got money in my piggy bank!
A couple of days later you told me that you were taking them to Pakistan! You said that you can have 3 wives in Pakistan. Of course I needed to know who told you that. Apparently it was nana Linda. You’ve been saying this about your 3 wives to everybody. R. told me the other day how funny you were and told me exactly the same story. So you come up with something, if it makes people laugh, you try it on everyone you know, you perfect it, you add to it. So, the latest now is that you’re going to Pakistan with your 3 wives. I’m very tempted to say that it would be so much easier to have just 3 girlfriends and that you’re too young to marry, but it’s just so funny!!! You really crack me up!
I love you I love you I love you! Zoe and Aurelia are back from France and Aurelia said she’ll bring Zoe around tomorrow. So you can see one of your wives!