Monday 7th May 2002
Hello again… On the day I heard about my meagre 3% pay rise I got upset, nearly walked out, just before the Easter break. Then I complained… For some reason I had been put on a band (they were calculating the pay rises according to which band an engineer would fit in, based on experience, qualifications, etc) which was lower than Stephane’s (he doesn’t have a degree, but has lots of experience). So Steph, who already earned more than me, got a 6% pay rise! I was so angry!!!!
Matt E. and Matt F. had a talk with me, I was adamant that it was not fair how much Steph was being paid and how much I was being paid, but they tried to convince me that it was ok, that I was in the same engineering level as Simon, Dom, blah, blah… and that Steph was in a higher level because he had x years experience (bullshit, he only has 6 months more industrial experience than I do, I know because he showed me his CV).
They gave me so much bullshit that in the end I just said ‘forget it’. Matt E. said he could take my complaint further and I said ‘what’s the point?’ Martin also complained at around the same time as me. Anyway, a couple of weeks later I get a phone call from the Matts and they tell me that Phill T. got involved in the dispute, that I was right, and the salary band I had been put in was wrong, and that my salary was going up to £31700! A rise of about 13%!!!
Other people got their pay readjusted too (I heard their phone ringing after I spoke to the Matts). Before the pay rise, though, I was not happy, so I applied for a job at France Telecom (where Tim got a job and about 6 people from work applied for a job), and went for a interview on the 25th of April. I still haven’t heard from them so I assume I haven’t got the job, which I didn’t want anyway as the place was awful.
I’m still here, still underpaid but earning more money than before and not very busy lately either, so I’ve been learning other stuff off my own bat. I did send an e-mail to France Telecom UK complaining about their lack of consideration – they were supposed to let me know if I got the job or not last week.
The two people who interviewed me were French, and I get on really well with French people, but I just didn’t click with the guy (Stephane). He was boring, only made any form of eye contact towards the end of the interview – after I had answered all the technical questions. I left the place with a bad taste in my mouth… They are in Chiswick Park, which is still being built. The place is made out of at least 8 glass buildings, and looks almost pleasant. But when I got inside the building number 3 I wanted to leave. It was very clean and clinical, impersonal, with glass walls on the inside. I was put on a lift by the receptionist and dumped on the 3rd floor, but I didn’t know where to go, so I was wandering along the 3rd floor on my own. There wasn’t anybody there! Then I went to the toilet, came out, and some human beings appeared and told me I had to cross the bridge, through the glass door, and they let me through. At that point somebody finally showed up to ‘welcome’ me. Not a good start, was it?
We went to Birmingham for the Bank Holiday just gone, to see Emma and Fernando’s baby Nathaniel, and the house they bought for only £56,000… The house has 3 bedrooms, two reception rooms, two bathrooms and a MASSIVE garden!!! It’s an ex-council property so it needs some work, but what a bargain! Shame it’s in Birmingham, the place is like a ghost town, it’s so eerie. I don’t know if I could cope living in a small town in England. There’s hardly anybody in the streets. The weather wasn’t that bad… Nathaniel is lovely, but when I first picked him up it felt really strange. He is just so light and fragile I was worried I was going to break him, and his head kept bopping about (he’s 12 weeks already). So the first 2 times I picked him up he just screamed his head off, he probably could sense my terror. It was like I’d never held a baby before!!! After a while (3rd time lucky!) I got the hang of it again, what a relief, I thought I’d lost it.
Their garden is pretty big, but there is a lot of work to be done in there. Fernando has been making a few bonfires to burn the rubbish. When we were there on Saturday night, we were sat outside for a couple of hours, in the middle of the night, with a pretty big fire burning. We didn’t even need our coats. Unfortunately you were asleep by then so you missed. I filmed it (I love bonfires) so you’ll be able to watch, but it’s like watching paint dry, really. You do need to be there to feel the warmth and to throw more wood in the fire.
Nathaniel is a proper little baby with his wind problems, Fernando and Emma (especially) are very tired, as is the case when you have a new baby, but they seem to be doing really well, better than R. and I were anyway. At least they don’t argue anywhere near as much. It must be nice to be in a harmonious relationship… I really feel sorry for you Daniel, having to live with me and your dad and all the arguing that happens every now and then. It’s like a cyclic thing, we’ll be fine for a couple of months and then it just goes all wrong and we argue about anything. I hate myself for it. You start trying to stop the arguing, but it never works, so you just go to another room (which is about the best thing you can do). You still always take my side, because I’m your mum, but I dread the day when things turn the other way and you start taking R.’s side, regardless of whether he’s right or wrong.
I want to not have him around anymore so the arguing can stop, but if he’s not around life just seems so empty (he went out yesterday afternoon to avoid having an argument and I only saw him this morning) and I feel scared and lonely. When your dad went out yesterday I felt lost. We had a lovely time and really good laugh, but there was someone missing. This is terrible, because I do want to leave him so we can stop fighting all the time and I can maybe find someone who loves me (I don’t think your dad does anymore), but it doesn’t feel right without him. What shall I do? I’ll do what I’ve been doing for the last year, wait, and see what happens, but isn’t that the coward’s way out? Do nothing? I feel that my hands are tied, or maybe I don’t want things to change – apart from the arguing. Then there’s your grandma, always criticising everything we do, always sticking her nose in, always saying the opposite of what she said the time before. It’s no wonder I feel that I’m going slightly mad. I can’t get on with the 2 people closest to me, they might as well be complete strangers – We’d probably get on better if they were…
As for you, your development now is very subtle, so it takes longer to notice it. You can ride your tricycle properly now, and have been doing so for about a month, you can steer, break, avoid hitting trees, and you can pedal too, pretty fast. I was amazed the first time I witnessed it, as before I had to push you along and you kept putting your feet on the floor to stop the thing from going. R. bought a push scooter for you last Friday. I thought you’d be jumping for joy but you were just mildly happy… You later said in Birmingham: ‘Now everybody is going to like me because I have a scooter!’ I had to say to you that people won’t like you for the toys you have. But the truth is that some probably will… You now go to the toilet on you own for both wee wee and cacas. I still have to wipe your bum though, because your hands can’t reach it!!
A couple of Sundays ago (21st of April) I took you to the London Aquarium – we left your Dad asleep, as he had been out the night before. We went in there, looked at the fish. I was more mesmerised than you were, especially by the Great White sharks. I was amazed and you had to drag me along as I didn’t want to leave. When we left – we were there only for about an hour, as you got bored – we had something to eat at evil MacDonald’s (we were starving). Then you asked me to take you to a playground by the London Eye, I said I would, but first I wanted to check on the car (well, I had my cigarettes in there and I fancied one – I’m still on the start-stop smoking nightmare land).
When we got there the car was gone! I phoned the police to tell them it had been stolen, they told me I needed to call the local police station. Then I thought maybe the car had been towed away (on a Sunday?). I then spotted a sign (very small) saying ‘no parking at any time’, the two other cars parked on the same area had disabled badges… We went into the restaurant opposite and I asked the waiters if they had seen any cars being taken away, they said they had… So there I was, trying not to panic.
I phoned your dad and he told me to come home and we’d sort something out (he’d got up by then, as it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon). A traffic warden walked past, he was really unhelpful at first, but I guess that when he saw you and how upset I was he started helping. He gave the phone number and address of the depot where the council takes the poor kidnapped cars to. I spoke to a guy and explained that all I had in form of identification was a copy of my driving license and a couple of bank/credit cards, and could I pick up the car at that time, as it would be too much of a pain to do it the next day (not to mention and extra £85.00). He said I could come and pick it up, as I had enough ID -I complained about the atrocity it was taking my car away (like he gives a shit!) when he told me how much it would cost – You’d think it was enough ID that someone knew the number plate of the car and had the keys to it!!! Any excuse to stop people from being able to pick up their car straight away and having to keep them in for an extra night! So you and I got in a cab, which was fun, but an extra £10…
When we got there the man I spoke to on the phone started being funny and saying that a copy of my license wasn’t enough!!! The cheek! I told him that he said I could come and pick it up when we spoke on the phone and there was no way I was leaving there without my car. So he said OK and charged me £165.00! Before the car was taken away I was given a parking ticket, so I had to pay £40.00, and the £125.00 towing fee. Probably the most expensive day out ever. Then we had to find our way out of Lambeth. I used to work there as a cleaner about 11 years ago (for Richard and Kate Johnson, the nicest couple I ever met in my life). It was also a very hot day, and we were boiling in the car. It was fun though!!! Just you and I having a little adventure. After that whenever we’ve been out in the car, just the two of us, you always ask if the car is going to be there when we came back…
You are a lovely little dancer now. You can twist and shake and turn around. It’s great. I thought you’d never get into dancing as you used to go all shy before. But now… You’re the best dancer! Oh, yes!!! You have been accepted at the Drayton Park nursery, for a couple of hours a week as of September. This is causing some problems because Marlene wants to start doing only 3 days a week and if R. carries on working full-time we don’t know what we’ll do. Something will come up though, I’m sure. As you can see I’m not very busy at work. That’s what happens you write such great software! Everyone else is busy fixing severity 1 tickets for the release at the end of the month, and I’ve nothing to fix, it has all been fixed already! The fixes I have to do are minor and are not allowed to go in before the release, as the product is very stable at the moment. That’s why I’m writing at my hearts’ content.
Just got an e-mail back from France Telecom. I haven’t been offered the job, and they had actually replied by e-mail the day after (they used my home e-mail). I was expecting a phone call and that’s why I thought they hadn’t replied… When I last applied for jobs people used to talk to each other. I guess it’s easier to send and take rejection via e-mail. Anyway I had to apologise to them as I should have checked my e-mail, but I did mention that they used to phone to arrange the interview, so I was expecting a phone call!