Thursday 1st March 2001
Last weekend we went to Trocadero (the three of us), and you went a bit mad with all the toys in there. Your favourite was bashing the crocodiles (surprise, surprise), and climbing in places you weren’t supposed to go to. It was very busy in there, and I’m just sick of London and all the people. I really just want a house in the middle of nowhere with fresh air and horses and lots of space….
After Trocadero we got home and R. and I had a massive argument for absolutely no reason… R. thinks I’m tight with money because I’m trying to save so we can buy a house (and go on holiday). Even though I’m the one who pays for most things whenever we go out. I paid for Natural History Museum, I got the tickets to Birmingham, I paid for the Zoo, I pay for childcare, most of the shopping, takeaways, I bought him clothes, I buy your clothes/toys… Which is fair enough being as I’m the one earning the money, but to then accuse me of being tight is an outrage! I got really wound up because he was being so unfair. You were moving backwards and forth trying to stop us talking, screaming “shut up”. I just got really upset and angry with R. because he started the whole thing and I just couldn’t finish, or stop talking.
Eventually R. just gave up while I talked listing all the things that I, the tight one, got for us. How sad. I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been so outraged. I even said that I wanted to move out because I was so sick of R.’s face and ingratitude. Then he says that he looks after you like he’s doing me a favour. When he was working I looked after you for 5 days a week and I don’t remember him paying for a childminder so I could get a break and have some time to myself. And it’s not my fault I’m earning money. R. acts like it’s a big crime that I have a job and don’t give him all my money!. I think he’s just jealous and feeling inadequate because he earns less than I do. He pays for his rent, his share of the bills and helps out with the shopping, not to mention looking after you, which means I can go to work and not worry… Why does there have to be a problem??
We have different duties at the moment, but R. just wants it all. Greedy!
That was my weekend ruined. I cried for ages, I really wanted to leave. Sunday was pretty quiet. I went shopping and we barely spoke… On Monday morning my car wouldn’t start, and I had to charge it for a while, and then run to the shop to buy distilled water for the battery. R. kept an eye on the car, it had the battery charger inside the bonnet, and people round here would steal it quite happily. By the time I came back in the evening we were friends again and everything is back to normal now… Until next time. I’m sick of arguing with R.. He’s so difficult and the problem is that so am I.
R. has his appointment for the x-ray tomorrow. Tomorrow night Emma and Fernando are coming down from Birmingham to have dinner with us. On Saturday Mike (R.s’ friend) is coming down from Manchester and we are going out with him and his boyfriend.
Last weekend I did Yoga after about a year, and I felt sick (nausea), the same thing happened on Tuesday morning, mind you, getting up at 6 in the morning would make anybody nauseous!.