RJ 29/05/1989 Monday – Grandad’s stroke & dementia
I only went to Brasas today, I still can’t exercise and I couldn’t be bothered to go to UERJ. I studied English all morning and ANTONIO called at noon! Ana had told me he hated me because he realised I was in when he came here and he told Mauro he never wanted to see me again. Well, it looks like he doesn’t hate me anymore… We talked for a long time and I promised I’d call him one of these days. I want to be his friend, I’ll try, but if he tries to get off with me I’m out! I know I keep contradicting myself but the only guy I intend to be with is Gino. Enough of Gustavo, he’s not enough shit for my toilet (I invented this saying, it’s disgusting isn’t it?). I’ve had it with men!
My grandad was very ill today and my uncle took him to hospital. He started shaking, he couldn’t speak, he was dizzy. He was going to be sick while on the way there, and instead of opening the car’s window, he opened the door and nearly fell out! To make things worse, when he got sick, his dentures fell out, and off went my uncle, looking for it on the road. It must have been comical! They saw him in the emergency dpt. He had another stroke (the 1st one was in November), but a mild one. He also has pneumonia. Now he has real cause for complaint. He must be happy, now he has a real problem! I’m not being sarcastic, it’s reality. The pneumonia can be cured , but since the 1st stroke his dementia is getting worse, now it’ll get even worse. Only 1 year ago he drove everywhere and today he just sold his car as he can’t drive anymore. It must be depressing watching your body no longer following your commands, or your brain. As my mother says, this is happening due to lack of use.
I’ve been asked to take part in the competition GATA ACADEMIA TIJUCA [beauty contest between the exercise academies in Tijuca] by phone as I didn’t go to class. Marta was really pushing me to do it, but I refused. Firstly I’m not going to parade myself and my body for people to judge and analyse me. I don’t know, it just seems ridiculous. Maybe if I was really good looking I might do it, but it’s not my thing. Secondly I’m a girl with some intelligence and I refuse to be a ‘mulher objeto’ [NOTE: Object woman, basically how we used to say objectified before the word was used], walking around half naked, in a nightclub. I have no desire to be in this role. This afternoon I got another call to give my final answer. I was worried about my grandad, so my answer was short and to the point: I DON’T WANT TO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.