RJ 18/06/1989 Sunday – Feeling down
We skipped class on Sunday and went to Tchan (me, Luiz, Jane, Christiane, Luciana and the car owner). I bumped into Marcelo Moreira and he told me Saturday was Martin’s June party. I drank two glasses of wine and talked to Luiz all the time we were there.
I got home pretty dizzy.
I called Keyla, Ana and Silvana in the morning but none of them were going to the party at Martins, so I didn’t go either. Ana called me this morning saying Gustavo invited her to the party and she went, as did Barbosa and Sherlock. No one called me! I feel abandoned. Depressed… Really down. I want to leave and forget all these people. FOREVER. I feel so alone. My God, what has become of my life? An arsehole. What friends do I have? All are distant, taking care of their own lives. I can’t get out of this well, so deep. So deep… I don’t want to admit Gustavo is part of the pain. I’m totally disconnected from this world, completely alone. Please mum, let’s go to England now! At least I can die at once there, of loneliness and cold. This is my karma: to live alone forever! How fatalistic. But this is momentary, I get up and I carry on alone. Who doesn’t feel down every now and then?