RJ 17/05/1989 Wednesday
Gustavo called yesterday afternoon. I lied to him and said that on that fateful Saturday Gino, Rodrigo and Alexandra called ME. Just so he wouldn’t know I was devastated and feel like his head got all big. We talked a bit and I said I’d call him one of these days. I miss him so much, I’d marry him yesterday if he wanted to. But I try not to think about him and teach myself to think we’re just friends. But the empty feeling is still there. Even though I pretend it doesn’t exist. From now on I’ll only mention him as a friend, no matter how strong my feelings still are. End of conversation!
My period arrived today.
As the best way to forget something is to concentrate on something else I don’t stop for a minute. I’m inventing things to do all the time: study, wash or iron clothes, write to someone, exercise. Only now I stopped to think about him.
My mum travels tomorrow and returns in September. She’s spending 3 days in Brasilia and 3 months in Vilhena. We said our goodbyes at the academy today as she leaves at 6:00am. I already miss her. As well as nearly kicking my mother out, my grandad doesn’t even want her suitcases staying at his place. He has lots of space at his flat and we’re all cramped in here. I’m not even going to say anymore otherwise I’ll get angry. My mother said he’ll never see her again, not even at his funeral. Even my aunt with her patience of a saint has lost it with him. Then there’s Zaira manipulating him. Family is shit! (except for a few good things)
We had Dialogue in Brasas. Everyone has to memorise a dialogue and go to the front of the class with someone else. I was shaking as it was my first time, but I did well. Going to Brasas is the best thing I did, I’m enjoying it a lot, I could do classes all day. After class I went to the bus stop with Roger. He’s the first person I spoke to after class. I think he’s around 23 years old, cool guy!
The Exorcist is on TV tonight, I’m going to watch it for the 2nd time. Ah, I didn’t go to university.