RJ 15/07/1989 Saturday
Luiz Fidelis called last night to talk and today he called for us to go out, I said NO. Antonio came here last night in the middle of the film. We talked and only today I managed to finish it. Brazil beat Paraguay 3×0 and tomorrow I’m going to Maracanã with Ana, Mauro and Ana’s family to watch the final of the Copa America: Brazil vs. Uruguay. I’ve never been to Maracanã, despite living only a 10 minute walk away!
I told Antonio to get lost properly last night. I told him I’ve never been one for staying with someone I don’t fancy, like some people do. He said I’m unusual. Really? Surely the logical thing is being with someone you like, not to be with someone to pass the time. People who do that are dishonest and fake. I mean, I’ve done it before so I know what if feels like. He said life is short and we need to make the most of it. Since when being with someone you don’t feel attracted to is making the most of life??? I think big cities make people neurotic and in a rush. Everything has to happen fast! That’s no fun! If I liked him of course I’d be with him but I DON’T!!!!
Then he came with the same line as Gustavo a while back: He’d only just come to see me to be sure. Like Gustavo, he fancies another woman. This one is 27 years old, separated, with a kid. I told him to go and be with her! He says he has lust for me and one day he’ll forget me. I told him he’ll go to his grave with this desire and furthermore, if for a miracle he managed to get anywhere near me then he’d really fall in love! I don’t think I could have been anymore arrogant, but it’s true… He can’t accept that I don’t like him, that I’m not attracted to me and he keeps coming up with some way out there stupid theories! He said I was in love with him otherwise I wouldn’t act like this, he stopped short of calling me frigid. Is it my fault I’m not like him, to whom it’s enough for someone to be of the opposite sex for him to want them? I don’t even want to be that way. Ah, go have a shit! But he’s good fun and a nice guy. He said I give a good impression and I’m a very unusual person. He said at first he thought I was naïve, easy to feed a line, but he was so wrong. We talked so much!!!
Ana invited me to a party in Botafogo, today, opposite Rio Sul Shopping Centre. I might go.