RJ 09/07/1989 Sunday – I’m going to Brasilia!
Luciana called last night saying I can stay at hers! Fucking hell, great news! I’m going to Brasilia on the 21st, I can’t believe it!
Claudio (from the beach, last week) called yesterday inviting me to go to the cinema today (I can’t complain I don’t get asked out!) but I lied and said I was already going with another friend… Claudio has just graduated in Law. There’s plenty of guys around but I don’t feel any affinity with them… The only person in Rio I really wanted just messes me around and doesn’t really like me.
Gino called me again today. I told him the good news and he said his father goes away in August and I can stay with him at 203. Gino has a house at the Lago, 405 and 203. Great! He’s very lonely, more than I am, hence the anxiety to see me. So much tenderness. If he was going out and having fun he wouldn’t even remember me. I say this because that’s how I felt when I was having fun, I didn’t really think about him.
I had period pain all day, just to interfere with my ecstatic happiness. I always feel pain on the 1st day, but I think today it was worse because it’s cold. I nearly died. I took 30 drops of Novalgina, but I waited it out until 15:00. It took my pressure down and made me sleepy, I slept for ages. It was a horrible pain!
I’m so happy in myself in the last three days, I can’t believe it! Suddenly Gustavo means so little. Only because that’s how he wanted it, I’d have done anything for him. Because of my loneliness I became a lot more attached than I should have done. But now it all seems so weak and insignificant. And it just happened suddenly, before I knew I was going to Brasilia. Goodbye heartache, it was good while it lasted.