RJ 03/03/1989 Friday
Today was funny…
At 11 in the morning the bell rings. I could see someone tall through the door glass, it could only be Antonio, I jumped and ran to the bedroom and asked Mrs Nina to say I wasn’t in. I could hear the dialog from the kitchen:
Mrs Nina: She’s gone out, give me a minute to check where she went.
Zezé (who came out of the shower and had no clue what was going on) Oh, I thought she just went to take the rubbish out.
Then I show up in the corridor, making signals…
Zezé: Ah, I’m not sure, where could she be? I have no idea.
Mrs. Nina: Oh, now I remember, she went to the beach
Zezé: how naughty, she never told me…
I was pissing myself laughing. They were speaking really loudly to make sure he heard, it was so obvious it was bullshit.
Mrs Nina went back to the door, to Antonio: Look, son, she went to the beach and I only just remembered.
Antonio: Did she go on her own?
Mrs Nina: I don’t know. Bye!
Of course he realised I was home. But the doorman always rings the intercom to let us know someone is coming up, due to bad luck the intercom broke today so I had no time to tell them what to say to him. I hope he did realise I was in and never contacts me again. After he left the three of us laughed a lot.
I was going to the Spiritual Centre today but I decided against it. It seems there’s an inner battle on whether I should take spiritualism seriously or not. Sometimes I believe it, others I don’t.
My mum called (glad I didn’t go out). She’s totally atheist and everyone here is spiritualist. It’s hard to have a religion like this! My mum was making fun of them. ‘Yo no creo en las brujas pero que las hay, las hay’ Get it? Even with all the atheist influence from my mother I’ve always felt a pull towards spiritualism, maybe just to contradict my mother, as I’ve always had this rebellious disease. But so far I haven’t been disappointed in anything I read, but on the other side I don’t believe any of it strongly enough, I hate my uncle’s fanaticism and his false morals.
I have too many doubts and I’m not entirely convinced any of it is true. Sometimes it’s like my head is on fire because of the doubts. But if you don’t question you don’t think… It’s much easier to be ignorant.