London 30/12/1989 Saturday – Bad uncle
Today is my bastard uncle’s birthday. I can talk about it now. One night, in Rio, when just me, my aunt and uncle were in the flat (my pregnant cousin and little Gabriel had moved to Friburgo) something awful happened. I was sleeping on my back, and woke up with someone touching me up down there. It was my uncle. I screamed really loudly and he ran out to the bathroom. My aunt ran in to see what was going on and I just couldn’t say what had happened. I said there was “someone” in my room. The son of a bitch of my uncle said to Zezé he was in the bathroom when he heard me scream. What a cheeky fucker. And I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I think I preferred his version that a ‘spirit’ had been in the room. So that was the official version. I never said this to anyone, not even my diary, but now it’s all so very far away I can finally talk about it. I could have kicked up a big fuss, there would have been a big fight, it would have been very unpleasant for the whole family, and it would have been his word against mine (and he’s a good liar), what purpose would it serve!? I decided to give the son of a bitch another chance and if it happened again I’d tell everyone. I didn’t speak to him for 2 months and used to hate being on my own with him, like real fear and panic. But after that, after Julia was born and my aunt went to Friburgo, we were alone for a couple of nights and he didn’t do anything.
I had made a barrier behind the bedroom door (couldn’t lock it), I put a cushion behind the door, with keys, shoes and books on the floor, so that if he came in he’d make a noise. I also had a pair of scissors beside the bed in case he tried anything on. Fortunately he had the good sense to never try anything stupid again.
After a few months I started talking to him again, just to keep up appearances. That’s another reason I couldn’t wait to leave – whenever he was horrible to my aunt I just wanted to shout the truth, it was a struggle to hold it back… It feels good to finally let it out! It’s been stuck there for so long. So here’s to the filthiest, falsest, most repugnant uncle in the world!
On Weds I got a letter from Gustavo, they usually take 5 days but took 14 because of Christmas. He kept saying he felt bad about never having a proper relationship with me. I just laughed. It’s his birthday on the 8th, I sent a few things over, photos and cards and an invitation to come to London. Would be fun if we were together here!
David: On Tuesday at noon, I was in bed when the doorbell rang. My mum was jogging and I couldn’t be bothered to open the door. My mum got back saying she met David on the street on his way here, and then met him again after he’d been saying I wasn’t home. On Weds he came again but I said I was going out with my mum, he said he’d come back on Thursday at 11. I waited until 11:20 on Thursday but no sign of him, so I went to drop a film. When I got back my mum said he turned up at 11:30. We arranged to meet at 11! And also he lost my number but I haven’t given it to him because I asked him for his number and he never gave it to me, saying it’s a new number and he doesn’t know it off by heart. He disappeared yesterday and today.