Friburgo 03/02/1989 Friday
Carnival is going to be great here… I don’t even want to think about it!
Yesterday afternoon I went to Ana’s house and we might take swimming together (in a pool, not the sea). Some guy showed up selling some amazing bikinis and Ana lent me money to buy one. Me, her and Mauro (her boyfriend) were chatting all afternoon.
As I was leaving Ana’s neighbour, Mauro’s friend, turned up. He’s not handsome in any way… His name is Antonio. But Mauro started scheming for the four of us to go out. I went home and decided to go out with them. They picked me up at 21:00, we bought 2L of wine and went to Barra. Antonio was talking non stop in the car on the way there, about politics, he’s in PT, highly political and in favour of armed guerrilla. Incredibly rare to find a guy like this, especially in Grajau! We hit it off straight away and talked about politics all the way, and about me too.
We drank wine and talked in Barra. Then Ana and Mauro went to the car and Antonio started trying it on with me. As I don’t like anything moving too fast I asked him if he was there just to get off with me. And he said ‘yes!’ Then I said he’d have to wait for me to want it too. Then we started some serious arguing, him to convince me to get off with him and me telling him I like to get to know people first, and my argument was that the harder it is and the longer it takes, the better it is.
But as I liked him and his revolutionary ideals (I wish I’d been 17 in 1969/1970) I agreed to kiss him. I was already over the fact that he’s not Gino/Rodrigo/Henrique (in terms of looks) and I was finding him quite attractive, charming, interesting, affectionate. Anyway, we kissed and I was disappointed! Why is it that such a nice guy has a kissing style so different from mine? It’s not bad, it’s just different. We were romancing for a bit and went home early.
Antonio called me this morning (he’s 21 years old) begging me not to go to Friburgo and to spend Carnival with him, Ana and Mauro. I was afraid I’d have sex with him too soon and lots of other paranoia and said my aunt wouldn’t let me do it. He asked to speak to her and I said no. What a struggle! I also thought about Gino, he’s coming here after carnival and I don’t want to be seeing anyone. It would be worse if I spent carnival with Antonio then kicked him to the curb to be with Gino. But I think it’s because there was no chemistry. If it was Gustavo I might be tempted, as it’s only carnival and not serious. But with Antonio I’d not want it to be light, he’s special.