RJ 30/11/1988 Wednesday
Monday… Gustavo kept insisting on smoking the rest of my weed with me, he pestered me so much I gave in. We came to the flat after class. Maira, Claudio and the woman who does the washing & ironing were here. We had lunch, Maira and Claudio went out. We went to the bedroom and smoked. Gustavo lied on the bed, I lied next to him and he cuddled me. He started touching me up, I wasn’t really into it, but let it happen. He started to get over excited and I pushed him away, and we started arguing. He grabbed me and I kicked him, he called me names, I said he was rushing too much… It was funny. I told him I was disappointed with his attitude and left the room. The woman left and we were talking. I didn’t feel right and couldn’t relax. We talked and talked and finally we kissed. We were both a bit calmer. I wanted to be with him for the last 2 weeks, so we started groping each other, but I felt guilty, and I didn’t trust him to take it further than kissing. I just don’t think I like him enough and that’s what I told him. He wasn’t happy, but I also don’t dislike him. I feel something but I don’t know what. We got ourselves back together just in time, my aunt arrived. I went to pick Gabriel up, Gustavo came too. I told him I didn’t want anyone to know about us and he agreed.
The problem is Keyla called that afternoon and we had already told her (she usually calls me). But on Tuesday we said it was joke. But Keyla had already told Gisele. I don’t like lying, but I feel so unsure about this!