RJ 23/10/1988 Sunday Bloody Sunday
Don’t be surprised, it’s really me! I haven’t written due to lack of time, subject and patience. Looking at my organiser it’s easy to see how tedious my life has been. I’ve had fun but romance is lacking in my life. I sort of liked three guys but nothing happened. The most recent one is Vinicius from apt. 311. He’s gorgeous! Very shy, but I think he likes me, he looks at me too. There’s nothing better than the start of passion, when no one suffers and you feel light. But I don’t think this is my year, something always goes wrong, or it goes cold and puff, it’s gone.
I went to Araras with Gisele and Keyla last weekend. It’s a small town near Petropolis. I drank a lot and got off with a guy called George. Cute! Why don’t I like ugly guys? I’ve always thought it shallow only to go out with someone because of looks. I’m not even good looking. If I was a guy I wouldn’t go out with me. Sometimes I think of myself as if I was someone else and trying to see something attractive about me, then I talk to myself to see if I have some inner charm, but I just talk nonsense. George liked me (he’s 20 years old) but he lives in Araras and I don’t know when or if I’m going back and because I like Vinicius I don’t care. I just wanted a bit of fun and I was a clown all night. Maybe that’s why he liked me.
Maira is moving to Friburgo with her two kids in December. Home is at peace again now a decision has been made!
My father called me yesterday and said he didn’t think I should go to London, as he had a feeling things might not work out. That shook me up. My father hurt me without meaning to. This made me miss my mother. She’s coming in February 89 to do her research work for her PhD and we go back to London in July. I can’t wait to see my mum in the flesh. I felt scared and apprehensive after the call. I dreamt my mum was drowning (all being shown on TV). She had a different name, and she was on a boat, it crashed and she drowned; but managed to escape. She had become a rich woman who spent her time having fun. Weird huh? At least she was in good health.