RJ 20/11/1988 Sunday
I want to write more but I got out of the habit!
Remember George, from Araras? Last weekend I went there with Keyla, on the 12th. We came back on the 15th. I got drunk on the first night and we got together, as soon as he saw me he took over me! But next day I looked at him and the magic was gone! On Sunday I smoked a spliff, after 5 months. I was tripping the whole weekend after that, without smoking or drinking. Maybe the air in Araras is very pure. On the last night George was trying it on and I had to do a lot of manoeuvring to avoid him, then he finally took a hint.
On the 5th of November, after class, me, Silvana, Jo, Barbosa, Alan, Luis, Mauro, Orsay went to a barbeque at Indio’s house. I drank a lot! I went to the toilet and Orsay opened the door (I’d forgotten to lock it) and he had a fright! I was so drunk, I pushed him out, pulled my bikini up and came out crying, saying that Orsay had seen my arse. So funny! Then I carried on crying because I missed Brasilia. Barbosa was with me all the time, consoling me. I wanted to get off with Alan but he has a girlfriend. I slept until it was time to go, and then I got off with Barbosa. Indio gave me and Alan a lift because we were both in a bad way. In the car, not sure how or why, Alan and I were hugging and we were about to kiss when he let go of me and stopped it from happening. I felt a bit weird about it…
On Monday, the 7th, Ana told him I liked him. I had heard rumours he’d split up with his girlfriend, except it wasn’t true. I stopped looking at him after that. To make things worse, Indio thought Alan and I kissed in the car and told everyone at school. How awkward! Off we went denying it all. I forgot all about Alan after a week. My passions haven’t lasted for longer than a week this year…
On the 28th I got off with Rodrigo, a guy who lives in the school’s street. He’s gorgeous but what an idiot! I only stayed with him because he was pestering me.
Of the three guys I kissed (George, Barbosa and Rodrigo) the least bad is Barbosa, but we are friends. The tale of Orsay seeing my backside was told all over school and some guy called Gustavo, from another class, started getting friendly. We got really close in two weeks and now we’re always together. He’s doing that because he likes Gisele but we get on and we’re always grabbing each other. Lusty friendship. He’s blond, skinny and he’s 16 years old. He surfs in Saquarema, a little playboy… (NOTE: this was a derogatory term in Rio) but he’s a nice guy. We’re always play fighting, I love it. What a fun brat!
Luciana called last night and I also talked to Marcos. He said he finished with Giu, she must be devastated. Marcos is coming to Rio in December. I wonder if he still thinks about me.
Gino called yesterday afternoon (miracle!), I like him so much! My mum also called from London, she’s got no money as her grant hasn’t been renewed. I gave her moral support. I love my mum. When I went to Araras my grandfather nearly died but thankfully he’s better now.
I have (nervous) gastritis, it must be because of school, I think I might fail. It hurts like fuck!
I can’t believe 88 is nearly over, it was such an empty year in terms of external events, but so much happened inside me… Sometimes I don’t recognise myself, have I changed so much? Sometimes I want to go back to Brasilia so badly and other times I don’t miss it at all and don’t miss anyone. I am a bit cold because I moved so many times, I learned not to get too attached; or I just suppress it. I’m a lot less shy, more open, however I’m a colder person, without showing my true feelings. How crap! I feel tense because exams start tomorrow and I wish I could cry to feel better but I can’t make it happen.