BSB 05/02/1988 Friday
On Weds I had a close shave in the evening. On Tuesday afternoon I had arranged to meet Rodrigo for a smoke on Weds – Gino was staying at his aunt’s that night.
On Weds afternoon I went shopping with Alexandra (I spent a lot of money!) and I got back at 8:30; luckily Rodrigo was in the I block. I left the shopping at home and we went to the 405’s shops to speak to Loirinho. Suddenly all the lights went out and me and Rodrigo went to 205 to get a match box that was hidden on block D. Despite the darkness we found the matchbox straight away, with the spliff inside it and we came to my place. The lights came back on and we smoked in the utility area of the flat. Suddenly the bell rang, it could only be Gino. He couldn’t see Rodrigo here, firstly because we had been smoking and then because people already have suspicions (rightly so!). I didn’t answer and we came to my room, me cursing at myself and Rodrigo saying I had trapped him. It really felt like a trap, for me! The phone rang and Rodrigo kept laughing and calling Gino an imbecile, an idiot. I wasn’t high anymore, because of the fear, and I answered, told Gino I was sleeping.
Rodrigo kept going on about it being a trap and I told him to fuck off. I was furious because everything had gone wrong then the bell rang… I nearly had a heart attack, Rodrigo told me to answer but I didn’t. Rodrigo asked if there was a way he could hide in the wardrobe, or bathroom. It was a bit comical, to tell you the truth. I was about to shove Rodrigo in any hole I could find and open the door but the doorbell had stopped. We spent time thinking about how to get out of this one. I had forgotten all about it and just wanted to get off with Rodrigo, didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Us alone without being able to do anything. The phone rang and Rodrigo got really angry, said he was going and kicked the phone. I put it back on the hook quickly and told him to go and never come back. He went.
I cooled down a bit and called Gino. He came here but everything was spinning. I told him I was having a shower after I woke up that’s why I didn’t answer the door and phone. I started saying I thought I might be pregnant, as we had sex on a dangerous day. Gino left a bit confused and I went to sleep, having forgotten completely about Rodrigo.
Suddenly the phone rang, it wasn’t Gino, it was Rodrigo. I started telling him off for kicking the phone and he apologised. We were on the phone for ages complaining about our bad timing, our failed meetings, lamenting the time we wasted and could have been together and now it was too late, he said these things. I said “Better late than never” and “Every moment counts, even if it’s a second” and asking him to come to say goodbye. But he chose to be rational and put a final stop in everything. He said he was coming but didn’t. I’m also tired of this and will keep only the good memories.