BSB 26/09/1987 Saturday
It’s 8:30 and I don’t think I’m going out tonight, there’s nothing good to do. I stayed with Renata all day and we talked a lot. Our friendship had been bad because of Gino. Gino is over but our friendship shouldn’t be. We have always argued but I think that’s what makes it strong, no matter what we do to each other we find it hard to stay apart. I swore I’d never trust her again, or be her friend. But I realised she does like me and cares about me. Our friendship shouldn’t be destroyed by a boy.
Soon I’ll be an adult and do what I like but this is really scary. I’m afraid of being alone. When I was 9 years old I was more or less alone, but it wasn’t too scary because I was small and not aware and I knew someone would always help and my mum would be back eventually. Now I’m going to have to look after myself and maybe no one will help. Sometimes I panic at the idea that one day there will be no one to talk to, sometimes this idea seems awesome, this word: “Independent” rings true, it’s how I want to be. After being independent alone, I want to be independently dependant on someone I trust and love..
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I’m coming home. [NOTE: My Pink Floyd phase, in very heavy rotation]
I’m going to live in Rio next year. Can’t wait to see what will happen. Hurry! I’m going to miss here terribly though.