BSB 16/11/1987 Monday – Love life soap opera
My life feels like a film, soap opera or theatre, I don’t know. What a joke!
There was a party at Marcos’ on Saturday, to reveal the secret friend (like secret santa) and almost everyone was there. I downed three shots of liqueur and it hit me straight away. William was there and we kissed: but I just went mad (I think I’m really mad) and I was arguing with him and got jealous and I told him to go fuck himself, and he did, he left. It was ridiculous and it made no sense. How annoying! I cried, slammed doors. How embarrassing! At one point I went to talk to Rodrigo and I was whispering in his ear the idiot boys (Andre, Bocão and who knows who else) saw a little too much with their eyes and thought we kissed and they ran off to tell Patricia and I ran after them to tell her it was lies and intrigues (drunk people seeing too much) and it was fine.
Then we left, I got back in Rodrigo’s car, to talk to Negão. Rodrigo decided to go Gilberto, we got back to 405 first and I asked what he meant about a trap. He told Luciana that he had fallen into a trap. He said he would tell me. He delicately expelled Lu, Carlinhos and Negão from the car and I was about to get out when he drove off with me really fast… I was scared but tried to stay calm – I was sure Rodrigo wouldn’t do anything – or did I know it would be the opposite and something would happen?
We ended up at Pontão and I’m not a robot and I was drunk, so it happened! We were there from 2:30 until just after 6 in the morning. Unbelievable! He said I was part of the trap; that he likes me and Patricia and lots of other things. I didn’t say I liked him, just acted like I was there for no special reason. I think I was. I think I like him just to have fun with, to have sex, even though we didn’t actually have sex. It was nice and at the time I loved it and didn’t think of consequences, neither did he, he was out of it. He said he wanted to go out with me next Saturday, I said ok, I agreed to be the ‘other’, but only at the time… Read on and see what followed.
The next day (i.e. yesterday) there was a big commotion, the gossipers said I had kissed Rodrigo at the party, but because that wasn’t true I didn’t worry too much. Except people saw Rodrigo ‘kidnapping’ me later on, so we had to explain that. I said we went to eat something at Girafa’s and went back home. But Rodrigo (Patricia’s brother) and Marcos kept saying we got together and that Patricia was furious. I felt really guilty and I was desperate. I went to speak with Rodrigo, Renata came too (as witness) and asked him if we had kissed at the party, he said of course we didn’t. To make things even worse he had a hickey on his neck.I did that to him to make him stop doing it to me as I didn’t want one on my neck, except I went too far and he had two red marks on his neck and it was Renata who spotted it. I think I must have gone white and started laughing and he said: After we came back from Girafa’s I went to see an old ‘friend’ and this happened.
We decided to cover them up with make up because if anyone saw it they would think it was me. Well, it was me, but nobody could know. The makeup sort of covered it, but he went home and said he would do his best not to go out. I was afraid Patricia wouldn’t accept our story. Rodrigo was saying he was going to tell her the truth and break up with her, but I said no way. I’d rather be without him than her and I don’t want to deal with everyone judging me especially now I’m about to leave, I don’t want any trouble. If it was something real and serious then yeah, but it’s not. Maybe I’m a coward! But I just want to leave it, I’ve had enough trouble this year.
Patricia was understanding and swallowed the story. Do I want to lose the friendship of someone who trusts me? While Rodrigo and Marcos were angry at me, without even knowing what happened, she listened to me and believed me and Rodrigo. It hurts to know I lied to her. What a mess, my brother!!!
Oh, and to fuck this shit up even more, at the party, after arguing with William, I was crying on Carlinhos shoulder and I really don’t know how, Carlinhos and I kissed and William found out. Now William hates me, doesn’t want to see me even if I’m painted in gold, also he saw me crying and thinks it was because of him.
So much bad luck for one person! I’m taking time out from men because it’s one disaster after another. What a mess! I’m being a nun for a bit.