BSB 13/04/1987 Monday
Schools are still on strike and no lessons… I’m in a terrible phase. Arguing with my mother every minute, over little things. She said she can’t take it anymore and can’t stand me. I either see a doctor or I leave the house. I don’t know what it is, it’s like the devil is inside me. I look at my mother and she represents everything I hate and everything I never want to be. I feel like smashing everything and I can’t stand her voice. It feels like I’m going to explode and if I don’t have an escape valve I will explode for real. To make things worse I’m fed up with Renata’s two faces and she feels the same about me and she won’t even call me (except for tonight). At times like these everyone vanishes.
Friends only to go to shows, cycle, all they think about is boyfriends and other friends (this one is for Renata, the person I thought was my friend). I am like this every day, full of anger or feeling like crying… Even feeling like killing myself. Because when your own mother wants you gone, your best friend hates you and ignores you, nothing seems to cheer you up, I feel like sleeping for a month. Now my mum is talking to my dad. As if him with two children and wife is going to take a 15 year old rebel in. The reason for this latest fight was because I didn’t write down a message for her.