BSB 01/08/1987 Saturday
So much to tell! Last Saturday Maira and her boyfriend came to visit. There’s a Philosophy Congress in Goiania, so they came to Brasilia to say hi. I’m moving to Rio in September as I managed to convince everyone of my incompetence to stay here, alone. All this time I didn’t write I stole my mother’s car, Vivi and I forged two cheques which bounced and my mum found out. To make things worse, last Friday, I got so utterly drunk Ranfre and Rodrigo carried me home and I was so ill my mother had to take me to hospital.
Then I left home at eight last night and came back today at six in the morning. But now that I’m leaving I don’t care. Every day I’m walking down the manholes and viaducts underground, it’s so great. The only bad thing is that it’s dirty and smells bad. I don’t want to leave here, I’m having so much fun! We were all at 204 yesterday when ‘the men’ (police) showed up and took lots of people to the police station. I was with Gino, they just ignored us. I had drank San Remi and smoked one, but Gino didn’t even notice and I had sobered up already. We stayed on the top floor’s stairs from 2-6 in the morning. It was so crazy, I know the risk I’m running if he doesn’t like me and is with me just for the sake of it. But I liked making him the happiest boy for four hours. No one can take that away from me. Maybe he doesn’t like me, nor I him, but last night we loved each other. My God! And we haven’t even gone the whole way yet! How can there exist something so good, so crazy, so furious! I can’t stop thinking about it and I want more! If love was just sex we’d be perfect, but I know he doesn’t like me as much as I like him. I always made a point of the guy liking me more, chasing after me, but with Gino this doesn’t matter. He just needs to touch me for me to light up. I tried to hide it but I failed. I’m all his and I’m going to die when I go.
I LOVE YOU!!!!
I’m crying every day, I don’t want to leave. I love this place so much! My God, I don’t want to go. So many people hate this city so why do I have to go?
WHY?