Friburgo 26/07/1986 Saturday
It’s so cold here and while I sleep in an ice box, Maira, Jeison and Gabriel sleep in the room with the heater. What an injustice.
I went to fliperama today and bumped into Fabiane! The one who got off with Henrique and was in my class at Caseb, the headmistress’ daughter. We talked and played a bit but as she was with friends she ignored me after a while. I left at around 10.
Now Maira came in the room and brought the heater, she must have realised how cold I must have felt. I think Jeison gave her a nudge about it. Can you believe I was smoking in the living room and I missed the ashtray and Maira said, really mean: “Why don’t you flick your cigarette properly, like everyone else? Everytime you drop the ash. You think you are streetwise…” I didn’t say anything. Jeison told her to shut up and stop being such an arrogant twat. I like, love my cousin, but sometimes she makes me hate her. She thinks she is the absolute owner of the truth, that she’s the best, the kindest, more spiritual, more intelligent… She’s always lecturing someone with some morality tale. She has a pure character, is charitable (says if she ever becomes rich she will donate everything to the poor), and that people who feel hatred are psychopaths. It’s just talk, because in reality she’s selfish and only thinks of herself. She complains about anything, washing dishes, going to the bank, carrying her son.
She thinks her life is amazing because she had a child at the age of 17, big deal. She abandoned everything else. I’m really mad at her and this is what happens when I get mad, it all comes flooding out. Even if later on I think what I wrote here is mean this is how I’m feeling now. You can be certain that despite the anger there’s some truth to what I’m saying. This is reality seen through my aggressive prism, but it’s still reality.
Jeison is bad to Maira. Sometimes he’s loving, other times he barely looks at her; goes into a bad mood. It’s a very unhealthy relationship. Sometimes I can understand why. I barely see Maira, and I feel this angry towards her sometimes because of how she treats me. Imagine what Jeison feels, he sees her every day.