BSB 29/08/1986 Friday
I’m in the middle of a History class. It’s 9:20am. The teacher is saying something for us to write down but I don’t feel like writing it down. I don’t know what’s going on. ‘Tenho andado distraida, impaciente e indecisa’ as Renato Russo likes to sing.
I can’t concentrate on anything, I can’t study, dance, play. And I don’t know why. I’m not in love and I have no serious problems. Thinking about it I do have a problem, my chest feels tight, and I feel like shouting. I feel dissatisfied. I’m not happy with anything. I don’t even know what is wrong. Maybe everything, maybe nothing at all. Maybe I’m wrong. But something or someone is missing from my life. A friendly word would help.
My life is boring and normal. During the week: school, dance, English, revision. On Saturday: tests, then at night I go out and ruin myself: loló, cigarettes, drink. Just so I can forget. So young and already trying to forget. I don’t even know what I’m trying to forget…
Have another test tomorrow but did no revision. My throat is killing me. It’s the weather, it’s so cold in the evenings and hot during the day. I’ve been smoking 10 a day, but a packet only lasts a day as Renata and I share. I laid in bed at 13:30 to watch the soap and I fell asleep, woke up at five and didn’t go to dance.
I skipped English yesterday and went to school to practice Handball with my team. I hate Handball so I wasn’t giving it my all.
There was a bad atmosphere in school today. Yesterday Eugenio found a piece of paper and it said “For Sale: a bitch called Sylvia, no pedigree and her three puppies: Eugenio, Jose Carlos and (? No clue who they are). Found in a bin” That was found yesterday. During the break for the 2nd Period I heard Queijo tell Bedel: send those 6 to me, I will talk to them. One of these boys was expelled.