BSB 17/12/86 Wednesday
This is the show I went to watch last night with Renata at the Teatro Nacional. Amazing! Legiao Urbana. We saw the show, which was on for two amazing hours. We had arranged I’d call my mum and she’d pick us up. I called her and told her to pick us up under the theatre. She didn’t understand and was going round and round the theatre, but upstairs. Meanwhile we waited for an hour downstairs. I saw Dado Villa Lobos and Marcelo Bonfa drive out in a car. I nearly had a heart attack!
After waiting for so long I called home, my phone was engaged and so was Renata’s. We assumed they came to get us. We never turned so many lifts down in our lives! The old’uns took another hour, no sign of them. So I called my mum again and she said I was lying about who I was with, that I had been drinking. I answered calmly and with much irony (it’s the only way I can cope). I explained to the idiot, who has a degree in architecture, where we were and she still needed to come with Renata’s mum to find us. We got in the car and they started shouting at us. The idiots were looking for us upstairs and it never occurred to them to look for us there, the only place with a phone. They tried to blame what was a lack of communication and logical thinking on us, they just wanted an excuse not to let us out. I’m sick of my mum, always throwing things at my face. I hate her.
This afternoon Renata, Sabrina and I went to Inacio, at 108, and we talked. In the evening Renata and I went to Velho Elite. Jaquito and Armando were there. I was not in a good place, trying to find a job so I wouldn’t have to put up with my mum’s blackmail anymore. Jaquito calmed me down, he said that working and studying is hard, the same thing happened to him when he was my age, but he put up with it. He’s now about to graduate, has a job and earns lots of money, now it’s his time in the sun. He said that instead of panicking he put up with shit from his parents. I promise you there’s nothing worse than this constant pressure, my mum always complaining and always going on about money. It’s agonising. I want to be independent.
But for a normal 15 year old there are only two options: Study and get a good job OR get a shit job now with no future. What I want the most in the world is my independence, to look after myself. I swear, only when I prove to myself that I can sustain and look after myself, will I then think about living with someone else.