This is a letter I wrote to Asclê from Rio, a few weeks after I moved there from Brasília age 16 + 4 months – He sent photos of it to me on WhatsApp on 24th of August 2025! 37 years ago. I must go through the letters I kept! I have a box full of them.
Carta para Asclê – Rio de Janeiro, 26 de março de 1988
Antes de tudo eu quero te pedir desculpas por não haver escrito antes que era tanta coisa na minta cabeça, tanta gente pra escrever, tanta coisa pra fazer que eu fui adiando, adiando… Mas hoje resolvi te escrever. Demorei mas pelo menos escrevi. Não vá pensar que eu te esqueci! Mas só pra você ter uma ideia já recebi 17 cartas desde que cheguei. Haja tempo pra responder pra todo mundo. Eu já mandei 30 cartas, ou seja algumas pessoas me responderam, outros nem tomaram conhecimento que eu escrevi. É fogo, viu!?!
First of all I’d like to apologise for not writing sooner but I had so much going on in my mind, so many people to write to, so much to do, that I kept putting it off again and again… But I decided to write to you today. It took me a while but at least I’m doing it. Don’t go thinking I have forgotten you! Just to give you an idea I’ve received 17 letters since I arrived here. It takes time to reply to everyone. I’ve sent 30 letters, therefore some people replied, others haven’t even acknowledged that I wrote to them. It’s tough, you know!?!
Esse envelope minúsculo foi pra você pensar que só tinha um bilhetinho aqui dentro e você dar de cara com essa corta!
This tiny envelope was to make you think you were only getting a short note and then to surprise you with this long letter!
Como esta você? Passou pro vestibular? Não sei se você tem tido notícias minhas ou lido as minhas cartas (que mandei pra algumas pessoas), se você sabe como eu estou e o que ando fazendo, porque parece que a quadra arda um pouco separada. Caso você já tenha lido outras cartas, vai saber tudo de novo (porque são poucas as novidades), caso não vou te contar o que faço por aqui.
How are you? Did you pass the vestibular? I don’t know if you heard my news or read my letters (sent to some people), if you know how I am or what I’ve been up to, as it seems our block is a bit disconnected. If you have read the letters, then you know everything (there aren’t many news), in case you haven’t I’ll bring you up to date with what I’ve been up to here.
Logo nas 3/4 primeiras semanas que cheguei aqui for horrível! Só pensava em Brasília, na 405 e chorava todo dia. Quase enlouqueci de tanta saudade e solidão! Moro com meus tios, minha prima (de 20 anos) e o filhinho dela. Sempre saía com minha prima, mas eu não conseguia dar um sorriso ou me divertir. Entrei numa paranoia e só queria voltar pra aí. Tive altas crises de choro e a únicα coisa que eu gostava de fazer era escrever cartas. Imagina a loucura!!! Comecei, então a ler uns livros sobre espiritismo, frequentar um centro e um grupo jovem muito bons. Aí eu me conformei, e melhorei um pouco. Finalmente minhas aulas começaram. O Martins (o colégio) é ótimo, apesar de ter uniforme, não poder fumar e ser pior que o Leonardo, em matéria de dificuldade. só que o pessoal de lá é um barato, e logo me enturmei lá na sala. Vou completar três semanas de aula e agora já estou mais acostumada com essa cidade.
The first 3/4 weeks after I arrived here were awful! All I thought about was Brasília, the 405 and I cried every day. I nearly went mad with longing and loneliness! I live with my aunt and uncle, my cousin (she’s 20 years old) and her little son. I was going out with my cousin regularly but I couldn’t muster a smile or enjoy myself. I got into a paranoia and all I wanted to do was to go back there. I had many crying crisis and the only thing I enjoyed doing was writing letters. Imagine the agony!!! Then I started reading books about Spiritism (NOTE: these books were at my aunt’s place), frequenting an Umbanda centre and a youth group that are both very good. Then I accepted my fate and felt better.
Finally school started. Martins (the school) is excellent, despite having to wear uniform, no one is allowed to smoke (NOTE: YEP, we were allowed to smoke in my previous school – Leonardo Da Vinci -from age 14, teachers even smoked in the classroom!) and not as academic as Leonardo, but my classmates are really nice and I quickly made friends in my class. I’m on my 3rd week in school and getting more used to this city.
Felizmente, minha saudade maluca se transformou numa coisa mais calma e menos triste. Antes ela tomava conta de mim, agora eu consigo conviver bem com esse sentimento. Mesmo assim, quando me sinto sozinha ou paro um pouco pra pensar, ou ouço uma música, tenho vontade de fugir e voltar correndo pra Brasilia. Só que tenho que engolir a vontade e esperar até julho pra poder ver todo mundo de novo. A saudade é o pior sofrimento, sabia? Eu fiquei sabendo agora!
Thankfully, my crazy longing transformed into something calmer and less sad. It used to take over me, but now I can live alongside this feeling. Even so, when I feel lonely or stop to think, or hear a song, I feel like running away and going back to Brasília. But I have to swallow this desire and wait until July to see everyone again. This longing is the worst kind of suffering, you know? I have discovered that recently!
Só saio de casa pra ir pro colégio, comprar cigarro, in num cineminha, a praia de vez em quando e ir à casa do Sérgio (onde o grupo jovem se reúne). A casa do Sérgio é ótima, a gente conversa, medita e não há uma religião específica. Todos acreditam em reencarnação e nas doutrinas espiritas, mas ninguém é especificamente espirita. Lá acontecem coisas incríveis, e quando eu for aí eu te conto. Minha mediunidade até se manifestou, pois tive um principio bom nítido de desdobramento (quase saí o meu corpo acordada). Um barato! E se você souber se proteger, e não desejar o mal, não há perigo. Bom, essas doutrinas todas eu imagino que você conheça.
I only leave home to go to school, buy cigarettes, go the movies, go to the beach every now and then and go to Sérgio’s house (that’s where the youth group meets). It’s nice in there, we talk, meditate and there’s no specific religion. Everyone believes in reincarnation and Spiritist doctrine, but no one is specifically a Spiritist. Unbelievable things happen there, and when I see you I’ll tell you. My mediumship manifested itself, as I had the very clear beginnings of a spiritual unfolding (I nearly left my body while awake). Very cool! If you know how to protect yourself and are pure of spirit there’s no danger. Well, I imagine you are very familiar with the doctrine.
Começar uma vida nova, com novos amigos e tudo novo, não é muito fácil, não, é muito difícil, às vezes dar vontade de desistir. Mas aqui estou eu, firme e forte, balançando às vezes, mas acho que estou conseguindo.
Starting a new life with new friends and everything new isn’t easy, no, it’s very hard, sometimes I feel like giving up. But here I am, firm and strong, with the occasional wobble, but I think I’m coping.
Sinto muito não mandar uma carta cheia de novidades e coisas que andei aprontando, por que ainda não aconteceu nada de interessante. Mas até que estou gostando daqui, pois está melhor do que eu esperava. As pessoas aquí são muito mais abertas e simpáticas do que em Brasília. Mas pra ter amigos de verdade é bem mais difícil!
I’m sorry for not sending a letter full of news and adventures, but nothing interesting has happened. But I kinda like it here, it’s better than I expected. People here are a lot more open and friendly than in Brasília. But making real friends is a lot harder!
Você fez vestibular pra Filosofia mesmo? A Maira (minta prima) faz Filosofia na UFRJ (ou fundão) e ela adora. Se você passou: Parabéns! Se não, vê se estuda mais da próxima vez! Eu não sei nem se vou passar de ano, tá difícil, que dirá no vestibular de Comunicação que é super concorrido. Mas eu vou fazer vestibular só de onda, porque eu vou mesmo pra Londres.
Are you really going to do Philosophy at university? Maira (my cousin) studies Philosophy at UERJ and she loves it. If you got in: Congratulations! If not: make sure to study harder for next time! I’m not even going to finish this year, it’s hard, let alone the vestibular for Communication which is very competitive. But I’ll do it just for kicks, because I’m really going to London.
Asclê, vê se não esquece di eu e não faça como certas pessoas que não me escreveram, e me escreve contando o que você tem feito nessa terra. Ah, e o exército, te pegou ou você não se alistou ainda?
Vou parando porque estou com calos nos dedos. Já escrevi pra Renatinha and Geovana hoje. Te adoro! Beijinhos, Lelé.
Asclê, try not to forget about me and don’t do what some people who haven’t written to me, and write to me telling me what you’ve been doing in that land. Oh, and the army, did they get you or haven’t you enlisted yet? (NOTE: The army is compulsory at the age of 18 for men in Brazil, but university students get exemption)
I’m stopping now as I have blisters on my fingers. I’ve already written to Renata and Geovana today.I adore you! kisses, Lelé
The Vestibular is the traditional competitive university entrance exam used by most institutions to select students for admission, though some universities also use the national ENEM exam or a combination of both. Each university typically creates its own unique test, making the process competitive as students often apply to many different institutions, sometimes preparing for years at special study courses called cursinhos. Continue reading letter
Kardecist spiritism, also known as Kardecism or Spiritism, is a reincarnationist and spiritualist doctrine established in France in the mid-19th century by writer and educator Hippolyte Léon Denizard Rivail (known by his pen name Allan Kardec). Kardec considered his doctrine to derive from a Christian perspective. He described a cycle by which a spirit supposedly returns to material existence after the death of the body in which it had dwelled, as well as the evolution it undergoes during this process. Kardecism emerged as a new religious movement in tandem with spiritualism. The notions and practices associated with spiritual communication have been disseminated throughout North America and Europe since the 1850s.
Widespread in Brazil, where it has approximately 3.3 million followers, and over 30 million sympathizers, according to the Brazilian Spiritist Federation. Spiritists are also known for influencing and promoting a movement of social assistance and philanthropy. The doctrine was influenced by utopian socialism, mesmerism and positivism and had a strong influence on various other religious currents, such as Santería, Umbanda, and the New Age movements. Continue reading letter
Umbanda is a religion that emerged in Brazil during the 1920s. Deriving largely from Spiritism, it also combines elements from Afro-Brazilian traditions like Candomblé as well as Roman Catholicism. There is no central authority in control of Umbanda, which is organized around autonomous places of worship termed centros or terreiros, the followers of which are called Umbandistas. Continue reading letter