RJ 19/05/1989 Friday
I had Literature exam yesterday, it was fucked up hard, very abstract, everyone complained. Today I had Portuguese exam, I didn’t revise at all, but I cheated a little and it was easy. I was a little despondent about UERJ and the degree, but that’s gone now. My colleagues are very different from what I’m used to, but they are ok. It’s not as much fun as Martins, but it’s bearable. There’s a strike next week on Weds, holiday on Thursday.
I went to see Keyla today, she has a disgusting cold sore on her mouth. Eugh! I stayed there all afternoon and called Gustavo when I came home. I’m not even sure I want his friendship, we argue too much. I also called my father yesterday and we were on the phone for 1 hour, talking about my trip. He could invite me to live with him… But he has Mercedes and my half brother and half sister, mother in law, and fuck knows what else. Despite understanding I wish I could count on him for staying at his house, at least for a holiday, but no, not even that! He never even asked…
MY GOD, I DON’T WANT TO STAY HERE, I WANT TO GO BACK TO BRASILIA!
Look, my brother, this week wasn’t easy. I tried to suppress my feelings for Gustavo and suddenly I couldn’t anymore. It’s best to let it out naturally, without forcing feelings to disappear. I couldn’t remember any of my dreams this week, I always remember my dreams… This fills me with anguish.
I’m having the cauterization on Tuesday the 23rd. I asked Ana to come with me, she said she will, but she never does anything she says she’s going to do!