BSB 10/01/1988 Sunday
I finally paid for school on Friday and a weight has lifted from my shoulders!
Last night there was a gathering at Reginaldo’s place. It was me, Cazzo, Nica, Luciana, Marcos, Bocão, Gustavo… We watched a film then went to the basement and listened to music. Bocão and Gustavo were flirting with me and I was trying to decide what to do when Patricia and Rodrigo arrived. He’s finally out! At that point any plans I had went down the drain. Rodrigo told me that he loved the letter and I asked if it helped him feel better and he said that it definitely did help. I said that was good news. We carried on talking but soon enough Patricia came to get him and Marcos came to get me. See how hard it is to talk?
I sat on a bar stool and put Rodrigo’s jumper on; called Gustavo over. Rodrigo had to be home early, so we all left together, before leaving I gave Gustavo a few kisses. In the car, Rodrigo sat on the back next to me (it was me, him, Nica, Patricia, Lu and Cazzo). He was happy and devilish, he kept stroking my head and touching my leg with his. Whenever Pat looked in the mirror he’d stop it. It was funny. I had to coldly say goodbye to him, even though I might not see him again. I hoped he’d come back like the other time, but I gave up waiting, he seems to be getting on so well with Patricia! I feel so down, but not devastated. I don’t regret anything I did, wish I’d done more. This destiny or whatever that gives Patricia all the weapons and I have to fight tooth and nail and I think I did ok in some battles, I just couldn’t win the war. It was me alone against all of the 405, Rodrigo, the disputed territory, also had no choice. I had to beat a retreat (I’m leaving) and Rodrigo might go as well, if he passes the exams for the university in Uberlândia. I think they’ll end up getting married and I’m too young to be fighting for a husband!
I didn’t even cry, for the first time, despite losing, I feel like a winner. I can’t even cry anymore. It’s awful having to give up someone I wanted so badly.