BSB 08/01/1988 Friday
Life really is full of surprises. While staying at the farm I dreamt that Rodrigo was in crutches, fell on the floor and then ran off. I ran after him to help him and he disappeared. It was a vivid dream, like the one I had with Fabiane, before she died. The next day I told Patricia about this dream and asked her “I wonder if something happened?” and that was that.
Yesterday, by miracle, Rodrigo came out to buy bread and me and Luciana went with him. He was almost crying when he told us, that on the way back to Brasilia a two year old girl ran towards the car and he ran her over. He tried to save her but she died. He was devastated, I wanted to hug him. I had to stop myself from crying. He went home and I was thinking about it the rest of the afternoon.
I was going home later that night and Henrique (Alexandra’s cousin, not my ex-beloved) was playing guitar on the I block and I was nearly crying when I turned around and I saw Rodrigo with Floyd (NOTE: their dog, named after Pink Floyd. Our mutual love of Pink Floyd was something that we had in common). We talked a little, he looked so sad, then he went home. I went home crying then came down later to buy cigarettes. I met Alexandra and told her everything. I went home again and couldn’t stop crying. I decided to write him a letter as I can’t talk to him, he doesn’t come out. I wrote a long testament, saying how I feel. I decided to open up as he leaves next Sunday to do the exams in Uberlandia and won’t be back for a while. He has to go through a process with the law but I think I’ll be gone by then. I finished the letter and tried to sleep. It’s awful seeing someone I love so sad.
I woke up today having second thoughts about giving him the letter. Someone came today and bought and took my bed away, bookshelf, table and a chair. After they left, I plucked up the courage and went out. I decided to finally admit that I like him for real. I went into his entrance and dropped the letter in his letter box. The envelope was blank. I was shaking and I rang his intercom and told him to come down and get the letter quickly! He kept asking who it was (I lost my voice), I said he’d better hurry, otherwise we’d be in trouble. I never shook so much! I ran to Alexandra’s place and I prayed he came down and got the letter. If Renatinha opens that envelope I’m fucked.